“I Gotta Be Me”

Sometimes it may sound strange even to me about having the first true La Bella Mafia support group. I am amazed by how many women and men have come together through this process in the last eight years. Some good and some not so good. I hear a lot of things like, “Bella, you have more female friends than any woman I know”, things like that. That part isn’t strange. I love people period.  I feel that everyone deserves the right to be heard. Sometimes, my intakes can take days and sometimes weeks.

It’s hard with my disabilities but helping people was installed in me so it truly does come natural. It has rubbed off also onto others and now I see women who didn’t like other females becoming friends with so many others, all in the name of helping someone. To me, that makes it all worth it right there. It’s taken on a whole life of its own and that is beautiful.

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Back when I felt that I was the only one who had gone through the experiences I had, I would have been relieved to know there were more like me. I looked but there were none. The Police Department wouldn’t even put me and kids in a shelter home.  They always wanted the bigger fish. WHO IS THE BIGGER FISH?

I would always ask myself that as I was slowly going crazy in a war that was too real. I don’t know how long it will take for me to really forgive them for not protecting me and my kids but someday I will, only because that’s Gods way. The government was just as corrupt as the people trying to have my head. I’m not saying that all the government is corrupt, because I still know people who have been CIA work with the FBI and they still serve or have served on a PD unit. However they are far and few compared to the ones who refused to help using me and mine as human bait. It’s a very scary feeling. I remember being completely frozen in fear and not worrying about the bills because survival was the key at that moment. I truly didn’t know if I’d make it to the other side. I have been blessed though, not only making it but putting together others who have been through abuse in many forms and just want that free feeling we all desired, and they now have it.

I thank Tony Nap Napoli, author of My Father My Don (www.myfathermydon.com ) with all my heart for being the true man of honor and dignity that he is for having the patience and love in his heart to see the vision and not giving up on me for one second through the years. He believed in me and he believed in the Bellas. Because he didn’t give up, I didn’t give up. He’ll always have a special place in my heart for what he has done that will reside in a place I hold only for a few. He taught me “I gotta be  me” ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl4SRVXgGiI ) It’s the song he lives by and taught me to do the same. I love you Tony Nap Napoli!

A couple of weeks ago I read online in my co Author Morgan St. James’s Writer’s Tricks of the Trade,(  http://content.yudu.com/Library/A26dn3/MayJune2013WritersTr/resources/index.htm?referrerUrl=http%3A%2F%2Ffree.yudu.com%2Fitem%2Fdetails%2F892628%2FMay-June-2013-Writers-Tricks-of-the-Trade-eZine ) a chapter from my younger years, My first foster home.  pgs. 1 & 16,17 & 18. At first it seemed so normal but by the time I absorbed it I stepped back and thought; now this is so far from normal. It was “normal” to me. I know its normal for others out there also and although it wasn’t easy to write a book that truly doesn’t sugar coat anything and tells it like it is, my life can help others to be free from the bondages they are still in mentally and some physically. I want all my hells of experiences of what I called my life to help so many people. I want people to know that fighting the demons they will find a new-found freedom. MUCH deserved!!

I still get nervous about releasing my story but inside I just keep saying, look how many people it’s already helped! I lose count anymore. This is for a purpose. A true purpose. If God will bring me to it, he’ll bring me through it.. And he will do the same for others. I have no doubt and THAT is what keeps my motor running every day.

Please, if you are reading this , then go to the bottom of the page and sign up to follow. You will be notified of each blog and the publication as it  gets closer. It’s a pleasure to have you.

Bella Capo~

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4 thoughts on ““I Gotta Be Me”

  1. Bella
    What an AMAZING journey. You can do it. I am honored to be your friend. I always keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
    Angi Ringering

    • Angi, how could I ever not think of you. My first nurse while I was still in physical shock and mental prison. Dr “dad” is in the dedications and so is.. “the nurses that helped”. You are an amazing person! I would still like to go to one of the PTSD conventions with you. You are missed and always loved by me

  2. wow Bella Capo, it is amazing , I remember back years ago the life that you were going through I heard you cry, I felt your pain, I tried also to make you laugh. But deep inside I cryed with you. That chapter is closed , no more nightmare. Now you have opened a new chapter in your life with open doors to every sides. I love you my bella sheri always and forever. GOD BLESS YOU.

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