On 7/16/2013, sadly I had to say Goodbye to Dr. T. She’s relocating to another state.
She has been an incredible contribution to the healing, not just through the year we wrote the book, but also when I first moved here in hiding, physically dying and emotionally raped.
She picked me up and piece by piece put me back together again, She taught me a lot of things. See, I don’t trust very many Drs., but with her experience, patience and gentle involvements have been incredible. Here are a couple pieces from the book with Dr. T in La Bella Mafia.
I’ve learned to live with the fact that my body can literally attack itself at any time, and particularly after I’ve done quite a bit of writing about the past. It is mostly in the form of body memories, that sensation when your body remembers what happened to you even if your mind doesn’t. Memory experts maintain that the body remembers first and I’m living proof of it.
My heart’s hurting a lot this morning, which is part of the whole syndrome. When I say that these pages are soaked with my tears, it’s true. For someone who couldn’t cry before, now the tears flow freely. And while it may sound strange, it is wonderful that I can finally cry for myself.
Well, I’m lucky the doctor I have now, Dr. T, is a former Navy medical doctor and for many years worked with men and women who had experienced the horrors of combat. I may not have been in the military, but the wounds I suffered are ones she understands. The thing that is wonderful about Dr. T is that she not only has amazing medical knowledge and knows how to deal with my high blood pressure, migraines, PTSD and nightmares, but she also adds a very important ingredient—love.
During the last few years she has tested me in every way possible. There aren’t too many honest people who tell it like it is, but that’s my way. I don’t sugar-coat things and sometimes during our sessions the words that come out of me are harsh or shocking. On some occasions when that happens she might say something like, “Bella, if only I could rewire you and erase some of the trauma you’ve made it through,” and then she follows up with a hug. Other times I get on what I call a “spin.” The best way to describe that is like being on drugs, without the drugs.
Dr. T and I work those episodes through, and in turn I use my experiences, feelings and training to help others who are in pain work things out.”
I always tell it like it is because that’s the only way to truly get helped. This is one visit that was quite memorable with Dr. T. One day she had me laughing literally for a few days. Cute! That’s the best way to describe her and this situation.
Mom and I settled into guest chairs and pulled them up to Dr. T’s desk. My voice shook a little when I murmured, “It’s really been a hard week, Doc. The authors needed to verify a lot of the things we were talking about, so I asked Mom if she still had some of the newspaper articles. She said she did, but to my surprise when she came back she was carrying a whole bag full of things I thought had been destroyed long ago.
The doctor leaned forward, elbows on her desk. “Go on.”
Well, Mom asked if I wanted a cigarette. A question like that only meant whatever was in the bag might shake me up, so I shook my head, ‘no.’” Then I asked, “What’s in there?”
And, without a word she opened the bag and pulled out Angelo’s manuscript followed by many other documents I thought were part of what I threw in the river. All of this time, I never knew she had saved anything, and just seeing the manuscript and all the other papers made flashbacks begin.
Mom added quietly, “That friend of Angelo’s was not a good guy. I’ve read the manuscript and most of the documents. He liked to dope people up on Percocet and other drugs, then break their limbs.”
Doctor T’s face turned bright red. She let out a gasp and put her hand on the lever for the hydraulic lift on her chair. While she twirled slightly, the chair zoomed down to its lowest position like a rocket.
Mom looked at her and asked with a straight face, “So, Doc, are you the one who’s dizzy now?”
I will miss her with all my heart, but I believe we were meant to be in each other’s lives at that moment in time, for a reason. One day she’ll help someone just like me and help them. PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) has become an epidemic. We need more understanding and education around us. Sometimes we have to move around to get God’s work done. She is a true woman of God. An amazing Dr.!, and a beautiful friend. Now that she is not my personal Dr. we can welcome a new Bella.. Bella Dr. T!!!!!!!! Love you Dr. T!!