I spent so many years preparing for the day I would write this book but I never imagined what it would be like. Many different emotions and thoughts come over me throughout the days. Does it bring some kind of magical healing and will all the trauma go away? No. It will still be a struggle some days, but it has released a lot of the pressure. I realize now that I will have other issues to deal with.
As I come out of hiding and see the movement of awareness my book has brought in the media before it has even been released, I realize how steadfast on my feet I need to be. I realize humans will be just that, human. Some will want to be cruel, some kind and some just curious with a morbid fascination as it is called. It’s now that I need to just let go and stick to what is good and right.
I realize I will be judged. The abuse, living in everyday fear and all the little steps it took to create this thing called my life, isn’t easy for the ones that haven’t had to “walk in my shoes” to believe. I can’t blame them. There will be some that will try to condemn me and judge me. There will also be the ones who listen, hear what they need to hear to get the help that they need and want. Those are the ones I need to keep my focus on. Negative energy will always try to work itself towards me and everyone else. Accepting it is a choice. There will always be cruel people in the world that don’t care how much you hurt and seeing you hurt more is their only mission. I don’t need souls like that anywhere around me. Then there are the hearts that are yearning to know the feeling of caring, love and safety…those are the ones that will have my attention and heart. I have no room for negativity.
I feel as though I have come full circle now in life. I am seeing some women go through emotionally and mentally, what I went through ten, even twenty years ago. There are people coming back into my life from years ago that have deep meaning in my everyday world, but it’s years later. I have amazing mentors who hold my hand through ups and downs…and I have my children having children. All the abuse is gone and my family is starting to feel secure. All of this in itself is a miracle. This book happened at just the right time, as everything does.
So what it all comes down to is now that the book is written, is where the destiny goes for Part Two; it’s up to me.
It will be up to me to fill myself with positive people, places and things, and show the world that happy endings do exist.